It’s Toxic Tuesday here at CC Int! What that means? It means every Tuesday from 7:30-9PM, renowned New OT VIII R. Michael Wisner, toxicologist extraordinaire, holds a seminar for raw publics to enlighten them about the scary & dangerous world outside and how supremely damaging it is to us, killing us second by second! Quite scary!!! But fear not! He has the answer to your every ill — the Purification Rundown!!!

Lately the Scilons have been on the phones begging, desperately pleading for their lives to get Kelly Preston to do “just one more” Purif seminar — she’s been compelled to do a rare few of these over the years, maybe a total of 3 times the past 5 years, as amends when she’s faced with Ethics penalties for whatever, but they don’t seem to have anything to lord over her right now.

So usually without any big names to attach to the seminar, these things are pretty empty, and Jenni Fairchild (who is in charge of bullshit like this) has to resort to coercing regular publics to leave course or delay their auditing to fill up the space. The tech folks hate that, but the seminars are of course far more important!

But Michael Wisner is more than just a Scilon toxicologist & father of one of the youngest OT VIIs in the universe (Alex Wisner, 24 yrs old, who actually might just be *the* youngest OT VII) — he’s also been one of Kirstie Alley’s principal handlers & “spiritual mentors” — he loves to boast during the Purif seminars that he’s in charge of her production company, her corporate assets & all in all her closest, most devoted BFF since the heady, coke-fueled good ol’ days of Cheers.

We hear he was recently tasked to calm Kirstie down & slap her in the face a few times to wake her up out of her dramatisations. We assume she had gone into full blown restimulation due to Leah Remini & perhaps those around her were terrified of her relapsing into the snow, so Wisner was immediately called in to knock some sense into her pesky body thetans.

This isn’t the first time Wisner has had to confront Kirstie’s body thetans — her bizarre behaviour with John Sweeney also got her into some hot water with the uplines crew — anytime Kirstie starts acting like a drug-addled mental patient, more than a few people ask her, “Why can’t you just be more like Anne Archer??? Or even Jenna Elfman??! Would that be so hard???”

Speaking of seminars & Jenna Elfman, her cheery, devoted husband Bodhi & one of his actor pals David O’Donnell have been coerced to do a “Breaking into the Industry” seminar for wannabe actors — Fairchild & others had wanted them to do more of an acting class type thing since we’re guessing this is to fill the void left by Isa Totah while he’s not around, or maybe the rumours we’re hearing about Totah getting into a loud argument with some staff members about his “class” not including enough Scientology & telling them to go fuck themselves might just be true.

We’re trying to get some more data about a domestic disturbance really early in the AM today involving a married couple staying in the hotel that forced security to wake a bunch of staff members around 3AM to diffuse a situation before someone could try to call the cops — yeah, you see, no matter how violent out of control an incident might be, so long as it involves Scilon-vs-Scilon, the cops & outside authorities have to stay totally out of it to “keep in PR”. Calling the cops on a husband & wife beating the bloody shit outta each other would obviously be “out-PR”. Good thing the MLO (Medical Liaison Officer) keeps a healthy stash of benzo’s in the super-sekret OT medicine cabinet.